Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
