if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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