A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize