your parents love me but you hate me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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