Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize