**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
