and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
