I'm drive I can fine osifer
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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