How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it's like heaven, but drunker
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
