I looked at my own cervix.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
