Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize