ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
