A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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