You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
