its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
