I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
