i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
