I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
