I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
