Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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