Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
