If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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