I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Randomize
