So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize