i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
