In the future we'll all be gay
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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