butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
