So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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