i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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