Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
