and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
