If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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