i wish peter jackson would direct porn
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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