I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
