We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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