so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
