Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
