its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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