Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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