Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
