it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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