Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
