If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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