god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize