my vag is so smooth its legendary
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
