party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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