he thought i was a dude.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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