Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
