just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
