I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
pray to the hookup gods
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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