We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
