glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
