come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
