I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
