There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
