My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
