Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Randomize
