They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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