I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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