oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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