i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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