you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
