Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
