So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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