I'm gonna have a badass scar
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
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